There are things that I know that you don’t and there are things that you know that I don’t. How can I even begin to know who you are anymore after all these years? Were you the one that I let get away? Was it that I never saw things from your point of view? Or am I just overreacting? Overreacting or not, I bet it’s true. However, there’s one thing that you should know that you don’t and probably never will. I doubt you would even believe it anyway.
It all started back when we were young innocent children that never thought about what may happen in the future. You would always tell me to live in the moment and not let whatever the future held to get to me, it wasn’t worth the worry. For someone your age at the time, that was quite inspiring, even if I didn’t know it just yet. In complete disregard to what you had said, we would play dress ups and pretend we were going off to work. I would always dress as a doctor, trying to fix everything and everyone. And you were always more into the business side, you liked having the facts and a systematic way of doing things, even if it was just make believe. The photos of these days live in my photo album, hidden behind other photos to try and remind me that you are still here yet, maybe you’re something I should push to the back of my mind and deal with another day. Back then you didn’t know and you still don’t know now.
But as usual, being the ‘doctor’ I would make mistakes and stuff everything up. I blew it for us, it was always my fault. Please don’t ever blame yourself for any of this. No matter how hard I tried to save the heart that had stopped beating like it was meant to, it couldn’t be saved. I just couldn’t save this one, it was hopeless. From what started out as something so innocent, so young, so naïve, had turned into something so tragic, heartbreaking and hopeless. It just never seemed to fall into place. But after the heart had stopped and there was no hope left in this world that could fix he damaged that had been done, I still never stopped trying to find that small, yet almighty and powerful glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, someday things might be the same. I felt like a lost boat at sea, just drifting aimlessly around in the wide, blue, void of nothingness. It’s felt like it was never meant to be.
But they say that the answers we get may depend on the questions we ask. Well, you never knew any of this, none of it at all because I never asked. I never asked, I never let on, I just never told you that one thing I wanted you to know more than anything else in the world. It’s as if something incredible was waiting to happen, it just wasn’t here or meant for us. It was meant for someone else, somewhere around the world and they are probably happy and living their lives. Maybe we just missed our ‘something incredible.’ Maybe the timing was off, we were in the wrong place at the wrong time, maybe we just weren’t the perfect fish in the sea we thought we were. But, unfortunately, whether it is for the better or worse, you still, to this day, don’t know that one thing I wish you did.